Onion Juice: Countdown to the Purple Onion (Tickets)
I have tickets!
There’s a lot of work to be done now. No excuses, I have physical evidence that people can physically buy from physically me. Time to hustle.
I thought about working the system to benefit the people coming out, taking a bit of a personal hit ala friend/partner/confidant Roman Leo but then something struck me…
I’ve always wanted to do a show at the Dark Room Theater starring: Roman, David Cairns, and I (as the Burrito Continuum) featuring Ivan Hernandez, Jesse Elias and headlined by Donny Divanian. I drew sketches of this show poster as a child (it’s a long-running dream). Now, with these tickets, I have the opportunity to make that dream come true as well as other improvements upon the comedy kit (new business cards, new web domains, etc).
with that in mind if I seem extra persistent in selling my wares when you see me/read me, know it’s for the cause of great comedy and most importantly (DREAMS).
Hope you believe in my dreams. Or like to spend money. THE ONION HUSTLE STARTS NOW!
Here’s my dream woman: no family, no friends. Women should have a personality but a lot of them don’t. It’s a skill, like Word or Excel or how to fix a tire. if you meet a woman with plenty of personality, best believe that she doesn’t like you. Cause she has personality with everybody….
For two nights, four shows, today and tomorrow, Bobcat Goldthwait will be at Cobb’s Comedy Club in San Francisco.
Tickets are a bit pricey for me but I’m one to acknowledge most people don’t share my knack for being cheap.
Goldthwaite has been around for over thirty years but has only recently become a hero of sorts for me. With the help of my friend Monica, and Netflix I’ve seen Bobcat in the modern age and I can attest to his talent.
His last album “I Don’t Mean to Insult You, but You Look Like Bobcat Goldthwait” is rife with a very sharp and reassuringly smart block of stand up. I knew I was in when I heard “Et tu ballsack”. It’s the fine tight-walk of vulgar and intelligence that won me over.
What cemented Bobcat in my favor are his two movies: Sleeping Dogs Lie
and World’s Greatest Dad.
Among all the straight comedy, hard-hitting drama, and potent decay, there are some beautifully realistic morals at the heart of the movie that takes the Hollywood ending and makes it more towards my liking (a happy compromise).
So yeah, if you have the time and/or money, I fully recommend you checking out this gem of a man.
Charlie Ballard Live @ The Dark Room Theater LIVE DVD Taping August 12th, 2010 *Thursday* Mature Content
Comedian Charlie Ballard is a San Francisco Native whose made a splash on the national comedy scene. Charlie’s been seen on LOGO, Comedy Central, NBC’s America’s Got Talent, and has been featured in publications such as the The Indian Country, Campus Magazine and the Advocate Magazine. Charlie’s wowed audiences from San Francisco to Toronto, Canada with his slapstick, physical and observational humor. Don’t miss out on what is sure to a fantastic evening of fun & stand up comedy!
Charlie Ballard is a really dynamic performer. It’ll be interesting to see if it translates well to DVD. Also I’ve never seen him do 5 minutes. Also featuring Heather Isaacs Royce and possibly Kaseem Bentley. ALSO A SYLVAN PRODUCTION. Also, I’ll be there.
Has anyone ever noticed how many curly-haired comedians are roaming the Bay Area?
It’s a little fishy if you ask me. Sammy Franco, Donny Divanian, DJ Real, Cameron Vannini, Jesse Elias (and don’t even get me started on Adrian Palenchar… where is that mofo). All funny. Maybe the comedy lays Samsonitely in their hair. I’m just saying, these manes are not to fucked with. Case closed.
Also gives me an opportunity to post this video by Don’t Stop or We’ll Die!
Jabari Davis & Associates: Live at the Purple Onion. 140 Columbus Ave. 8PM. $20. (My good friend Stuart Thompson is back from a successful stint in Los Angeles to do a few shows. This will be one of them. He’s alarmingly good and keeps me on my game. And he’ll keep you in your seats).
Stud Open Mic. 9th & Harrison St. 9 PM. Free.
McGrath’s Open Mic. Guest Hosted by Josef Anolin. 1539 Lincoln Avenue in Alameda, California. Sign Ups at 8:30. Show at 9:00 PM. (I’m contractually obligated to attend this)
Ladies Night at the Brainwash. Hosted by Kristee Ono. Sign Ups: 7:30. Show: 8ish. (Always a good time. Female friendly. Girlfriend friendly?)
The Business welcomes back one of our favorites this week - Caitlin Gill, fresh off her highly-acclaimed weekend performances at the Hemlock Tavern. We also welcome back regular Businessman Alex Koll, fresh from his tour of the East Coast. “Welcome Back, Kotter” remains off the air.
As always, The Business delivers the finest alternative comedy in San Francisco for the low price of $5. Show begins at 8, and the Bring-Your-Own-Burrito remains in effect.
Business @ Dark Room Theater. 2263 Mission Street. $5. 8 PM. (I saw an off chance performance of Caitlin Gill at a Justin Scales show… HOLY CRAP! Blown away. Also… rumor has it she makes good pizza. Sadly the pizza won’t be at this show.)
Travis Currie’s Bust Me Up Comedy Showcase @ The Parlor (2801 Leavenworth Street). 8-10PM (Adorable Baby will not be there).
Sylvan Open Improv @ Dark Room Theater (2263 Mission Street). 7:30-10:30PM. Free. (These kids have the hearts of lions inside the bellys of ravenous birds)
DJ Real @ Hotel Utah (500 4th Street). 8 PM. $7. 21+. (Things Just Got… well, you know… Also featuring Seashell Radio and Lucky Cloud)
Big Al’s Big Ass Comedy Show @Punchline Comedy Club (444 Battery Street). 7 PM (doors)/ 8 PM (show). $14. 18andUp. 2 Drink Minimum (Featuring Andy McFood, Cory Loykasek, Sach Chiappellone, Trevor Hill, Frankie Quinones, and Big Al Gonzalez).
Reasons your robot son is better than your biological child
You only have to tell him once
He is able to open his mouth wide enough to fit a basketball
You don’t have to take him to Disneyland to see his face light up
He’s not dying of cancer
If you take out his eyes he can still see
He beat your real son to death in unarmed combat
His nose is a button and if you push it he will smile
Flame decals on abdomen
He’s not a girl
He streams his soccer game to your mobile device so you don’t have to be there
Every time his birthday approaches you can set his clock back another month
It’s technically not incest
Event: 8/6/2010 (TONIGHT!) Neil Hamburger at Hemlock Tavern (8&10PM) [HOLY SHYT!]
“Despite his appalling comic timing, muddled delivery, and cliched material, stand-up Neil Hamburger nevertheless emerged as one of the most acclaimed and name-checked comedians of his generation; like Lenny Bruce before him, he was a hipster icon whose trailblazing riffs defied conventions at every turn, transcending the confines of hilarity with kamikaze recklessness. Prior to his ascendance, comedians were expected not only to be funny, but insightful as well; Hamburger changed all that forever.” - Answers.com
Comedian Chris Thayer lives and kills in San Francisco. Mining new depths of self-objectification with his droll, serrated deadpan, Chris has performed at The Purple Onion, Club Deluxe, and Hemlock Tavern opening for the likes of Reggie Watts and Rick Shapiro.
A rising talent in the San Francisco comedy scene, people are talking about Caitlin Gill. Most of those are people stuck in conversations with her father, who is really, really excited about his daughter telling dirty jokes to strangers in clubs. Her style twists her personal experiences into engaging bits and stories, and drops phrases in your ear that will later litter your lexicon. Since beginning her career in 2007, Caitlin has performed at the San Francisco Punchline, the Purple Onion, 12 Galaxies, and a couple of places in the tenderloin that used to be comedy clubs but are now abandoned buildings. She is also the host of the “The Ladies Room” Open Mic at the Brainwash, and “The Ladies Room” Showcase at Club Deluxe.
DAMN!!! I have friends in town who want to go out dancing before they leave tomorrow. So I won’t be able to go see one of my favorite personas live. If I could shave off three years of my life to split my body in two, so that I could see this one performance. I would in a heartbeat. Living is overrated, Comedy is forever.
Onion Juice: Countdown to the Purple Onion (Melanie O'Brien)
So hopefully you know by now that I’m performing at the Purple Onion on August 28. Tickets are in the mail and I will start hounding everybody I know to see if they want in on what’s going to be an amazing night.
Recently (yesterday) at the Brainwash, I was accosted by Melanie O’Brien. She’s apparently a fan of the blog but questions why she hasn’t been present in the popular word collages of phrases from the nights previous. Her tone was angry. I explained to her that I hadn’t seen her in a while and that I usually just include jokes I remember. No Melanie sets heard, no placement on the collage. She blows me off to talk to the nearby Jabari Davis (Promoter/Headliner of my show at the Purple Onion) so I explain to Vlad that I already had plans to highlight Melanie in the “Onion Juice” portion of my blog as one of my favorite things about the show occurring. That exchange sped the process up considerably. This is that blog…
I love Melanie O’Brien.
From the first syllable of her act on an off chance night at 800 Larkin in the Tenderloin to the confines of forever I’ve been/will be huge appreciator of Melanie as a fan a comedy and a fan of people.
It’s hard to quantify what Melanie does, because any one statement can sideswipe the deck of cards that she’s crafted for herself. Parallels can be made, but I refuse to make them because Melanie is gutsy beyond allusion. She ultimately lives in the same vein as I try to: to become legendary.
Fame is great (I guess), infamy is more fun, but legend is the true goal. With legend you become beyond oneself as faults are cast aside or glared at forever. Your accomplishments are a laundry list when you’re a legend. People know about you without even meeting you. It’s good to be a legend.
But legends don’t happen all the time. It takes a long time of living life to the fullest, making the most of every situation. To become a legend you have to be special. And Melanie is special.
I’ve seen her murder rooms, I’ve seen her bomb. I’ve seen her execute her act flawlessly, I’ve seen her argue with bar patrons about the basketball game they’re watching. I’ve heard the coyest, most adorable, and ultimately horrifying statements come out of her mouth. I’ve heard stories about the bluest sets in front of the youngest of children. I’ve seen her talk about being on a bike and getting hit by a car, and still having impeccable comic timing (“I’m on the phone!”). I’ve seen her talk about that story, while her cuts still bleed. All the while, Melanie remains poised and endearing. She’s mastered one of the annuls of show business: keep the people wanting more.
So, low and behold who is the same Jabari Davis and Associate flyer as me.
That’s right, one of my favorites: Melanie O’Brien.
She’s on the same list as Kaseem Bentley, Donny Divanian, Mary Van Note, and DJ Real: comedians that I love. She’s up there for a good reason too: she’s following two dreams.
Mel gets my respect because in addition to being an uber-talented comedian, she’s also chasing her dream of practicing law. Two very demanding careers running concurrently. I know from first hand experience that it’s a major sacrifice and draining to a ridiculous degree. And thusly, kudos and excitement are in order for Melanie O’Brien.
I can’t wait until my mom hears one of her rape jokes.
I’ve been meaning to highlight Charlie for a while. A proper entry will be completed eventually. But in light of recent social justice, and a show at the Dark Room, and an awesome conversation about basketball the week before: I present a slice of Ballard.
Open Mic Comedy at McGrath’s Pub in Alamedia. $Free. 9:00 PM. featuring OJ Patterson, Justin Harrison, Joey Nitro, and more…
Stud Open Mic Comedy. Sign Ups: 8:30. Show: 9:00. Featuring Ricky Luna and Kelly Annekin.
Madrone Art Bar. 7 P.M. $Free.99. Featuring Donny Divanian, Cory Loykasek, Sheila Bryson, Colleen Watson, Shawn Robbins, Cameron Vannini, Nick Palm, Kelly McCarron. Hosted by: Tony Sparks.
Jabari Davis Presents Live at the Purple Onion. $20. 8:00. Featuring Trenton Davis, Rachel McDowell, Alan Mathis, Malcolm Grissom, Sean Sinha, and more.
The Business roars into August with a powerhouse triumvirate of guest stars - Kurt Weitzmann, Heather Gold, and Sheng Wang. They’re all joining Chris Garcia, Bucky Sinister, and Sean Keane to provide one of the hottest nights of comedy that doesn’t involve a kitchen fire. Six comics! Just five bucks! Because we do it for you, San Francisco. 8 PM, at the Dark Room.
Sheng Wang is a native of Houston, but came of comedy age in The …Bay. He’s appeared on Comedy Central and was part of the legendary Comedians of Comedy tour. Now a resident of New York, Sheng is back to share his comedy - and his photography. We’re always thrilled to have Sheng on the show, and also to inevitably eat tacos with Sheng after the show.
Kurt Weitzmann has appeared on Comedy Central, MTV, and every comedy club that exists, has existed, or will exist in the Bay Area, He created the acclaimed parody “The SF Weekly,” wrote and directed the film “Last Call,” and co-created the Jesus Roast, the Hitler Roast, and the Obama Roast.
Heather Gold is the love child of Sarah Silverman and Rachel Maddow and tours North America as a comedian, speaker, and solo performer. She’s the host of “The Heather Gold Show,” and holds degrees from Yale and Northwestern Law, which may have been what drove her into comedy in the first place. She’ll also be presenting a workshop on the 8th - check it out at unpresenting.com.
This is Robert Keith. He’s a go getter. He set up this comedy night THIS FRIDAY. More Information after the Jump:
Bringin Funny Back to CoCo County Fuz Restaurant & Lounge3707 Mt. Diablo Blvd.Lafayette, CA
It has recently come to our attention that there is really not much going on comedy wise in Contra Costa County. Well, we’d like to change that, so on Friday August 6 come on down to Fuz Restaurant & Lounge in Lafayette and check out 6 hilarious comedians from all over the Bay Area. Show starts at 8, 2 drink minimum.
Scheduled to perform: Robert Keith Misha Trubs Garrett “G Man” Gonzales O.J. Patterson Lee Sanger Goldin Kelleen Millikin