San Francisco Comedy and Burrito Festival Countdown: Ivan Hernandez (“Powerful brown hands delicately remove the tortilla from the grill, a mound of crisp chorizo beside it. Hands which had delivered babies while firing weapons at nationalist armed groups ladle rice upon the flour surface, black beans following in a metaphor for the mixed race relations which had created his people. Avocado sliced in mathematically equal portions lay in parallels atop the mound, green as the fields of Mars before Or’lithikk the Sunderer brought forever desert to the planet. A dollop of sour cream, maintaining its thick consistency and cold despite being encased in heated meats due to a heretofore unexplained quirk of physics. Queso fresco lies across like the rubble left in an eastern European nation after civil strife. The chorizo burns almost black, the grease it emits equivalent to the blubber obtained from an infant gray whale. A spatula slides under the chunk of pig refuse and delivers it unto its cradle. A last bit of salsa completes the equation, spicy enough to register on the palate but mild enough not to upset the blandness of said palate. With movements practiced hundreds of thousands of times to maximize efficiency, hold, and consistency of bite, the burrito forms. And in less time than it takes to sew together this Frankenstein’s Monster of ethnic cuisine, it is eaten.”) [Today!]
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