"They that sex is a drug, which makes sense because I have/would/will totally suck dick for it."
— Allison Mick @ Stork Club/Storking Comedy [Paraphrase]
"I’m like a unicorn: beautiful but grotesque."
— Caitlin Gill on being a single woman @ Dark Room Theater/The Business
"I tell people I moved to San Francisco to do stand-up to sound ambitious. The truth is I just want to ride a bicycle and still have people have sex with me."
— Cameron Vannini @ Melt! Cafe [Paraphrase]