'All love must end. The best part about being cynical is if you have a crush on someone in a relationship, just wait.”

– Jessica Sele @ Stork Club/Storking Comedy [Paraphrase]

'All love must end. The best part about being cynical is if you have a crush on someone in a relationship, just wait.”

Jessica Sele @ Stork Club/Storking Comedy [Paraphrase]

"If bands are considered a ‘business’, KISS is the Bennigan’s of metal bands."

Aviva Siegel @ Stork Club/Storking Comedy [Paraphrase]

"Have you ever tried to shit your pants then accidentally sneezed?"

Mark Smalls @ Stork Club/Storking Comedy [Paraphrase]

Favorite Things of Last Night: A Gifted 2007 Comedy Zine via maryvannote. SO AWESOME! 

"Kim[berly Rose Wendt] had that look on her face like, ‘Oh shit, I hope we can be still friends after placing everybody in this situation that may go poorly.’"

Jules Posner on “producer face” @ Bar 355 [Paraphrase]

"My cat had her litter on the side of the highway…she was fined $1000"

Dutch Savage @ Jambalaya [Paraphrased] 

Luke Lockfeld & Audience in: Cool

  • Luke Lockfeld: You guys are pretty cool.
  • Audience Member: Tell another joke!
  • Luke Lockfeld: You're the only not-cool one.
"I may not be the funniest comedian tonight but Keith D doesn’t pander"

Keith D on “ra ra comedy” before getting applause @ Milk Bar/It’s Only Two Minutes [Paraphrase]

"Here’s an a-to-b joke: Life is like a box of chocolates: a thoughtless gift that the recipient has to pretend to appreciate."

Sara Reihani @ Critical Hit (Comedy)/It’s Your Move [Paraphrase]

"Depression is crazy because it’s like living a mash up of Garfield and Groundhog Day, right? Because every day is the same day and they are all Mondays!"

Aly Jones @ Stork Club/Storking Comedy [Paraphrase]