"[Republicans] voted forty two times to repeal the law. Sounds a little obsessive compulsive, which is a mental disease, which is ironically covered in Obamacare"
— Henry Hopkins @ Ivy Room Open Mic [Paraphrase]
"If somebody asks you if you want ‘extra mustard’ [on your sandwich], they want to fuck!"
— Daryus Monday on sandwich delusion @ Ivy Room Open Mic [Paraphrase]
"Everybody wants to be a nerd. They think, ‘Oh, I like obscure shit so that makes me a nerd.’ It’s not about liking things, it’s about people not liking you."
— Christopher John @ Stork Club/Storking Comedy [Paraphrase. Full Set Available Here @ 00:29:20]