"If somebody asks you if you want ‘extra mustard’ [on your sandwich], they want to fuck!"
— Daryus Monday on sandwich delusion @ Ivy Room Open Mic [Paraphrase]
"Everybody wants to be a nerd. They think, ‘Oh, I like obscure shit so that makes me a nerd.’ It’s not about liking things, it’s about people not liking you."
— Christopher John @ Stork Club/Storking Comedy [Paraphrase. Full Set Available Here @ 00:29:20]
"I used to be a collegiate athlete; in college I was an athlete. I used to wrestle with my sexuality."
— Juan Medina @ Stork Club/Storking Comedy [Paraphrase, Full Set: Here @ 00:00:23]
"If you give a girl a compliment, she’ll feel good for a day. If you teach a girl to fish for compliments, she’ll feel good for life."
— Kerim Harmanci @ Stork Club/Storking Comedy [Paraphrase]