"VIP Heaven is a gym with bottle service."
— Josh Androsky @ The Night Light [Paraphrase]
![“Let’s face it, a sink is just a dick-bidday.”
- Andrew Holmgren @ Dirty Trix [Paraphrase]
[Photo by Andrew Moore]](http://25.media.tumblr.com/1a8fe361dbceeb2e5b862f37d28691be/tumblr_mmhntotwK21qcxc43o1_500.jpg)
“Let’s face it, a sink is just a dick-bidday.”
- Andrew Holmgren @ Dirty Trix [Paraphrase]
[Photo by Andrew Moore]
"I got fired because it turns out that taking two shits at work isn’t the same as giving two shits at work."
— May May Oskan @ Dirty Trix Saloon [Paraphrase]
![“Do you guys like first impressions?”
- Kevin O’Shea @ The Night Light [Paraphrase]
[Photo by Jay Austin Graham]](http://24.media.tumblr.com/a3b69d8fa33f534250cbe79bf15bcd40/tumblr_mmfp1ycAkI1qcxc43o1_500.jpg)
“Do you guys like first impressions?”
- Kevin O’Shea @ The Night Light [Paraphrase]
[Photo by Jay Austin Graham]
"OJ, the thing I like about you is that you have nothing in common with OJ Simpson, except I hear your laughters in my sleep."
— Jessica Sele @ The Night Light [Paraphrase]
"They that sex is a drug, which makes sense because I have/would/will totally suck dick for it."
— Allison Mick @ Stork Club/Storking Comedy [Paraphrase]
![“I’m a 49ers fan but I want my next boyfriend to be an Oakland Raiders fan because I want someone capable of unconditional love.”
- Nicole Turley @ Dirty Trix Saloon [Paraphrase]](http://25.media.tumblr.com/3a4bfc0e19816a5024afc0dfe83f62a4/tumblr_mmavdbWTRF1qcxc43o1_500.jpg)
“I’m a 49ers fan but I want my next boyfriend to be an Oakland Raiders fan because I want someone capable of unconditional love.”
- Nicole Turley @ Dirty Trix Saloon [Paraphrase]
![It’s a lot of zoo jokes. I smoke a lot of weed, go to a lot of zoos.
- Stephen Furey explaining his material @ San Francisco Punch Line [Paraphrase]](http://24.media.tumblr.com/3b8fd6e78887f1d4134d85a4da91feac/tumblr_mm5631pVi81qcxc43o1_500.jpg)
It’s a lot of zoo jokes. I smoke a lot of weed, go to a lot of zoos.
- Stephen Furey explaining his material @ San Francisco Punch Line [Paraphrase]
![“Skinny jeans are the mullet of denim, because they combine good and bad things incorrectly.”
- Mary Alice McNab @ San Francisco Punch Line [Paraphrase]](http://25.media.tumblr.com/f4382aef797d9da65d13a9f3aad36029/tumblr_mm1fcmXxT51qcxc43o1_500.jpg)
“Skinny jeans are the mullet of denim, because they combine good and bad things incorrectly.”
- Mary Alice McNab @ San Francisco Punch Line [Paraphrase]
"I’m like a unicorn: beautiful but grotesque."
— Caitlin Gill on being a single woman @ Dark Room Theater/The Business
