"I’m a nerdy white dude from the Bay Area, of course I’m not married to a white lady. Me and a white lady would be like be like wearing jeans and a jean jacket… It’s too matchy matchy."

Scott Simpson @ Stork Club/Storking Comedy [Paraphrase]

"The thing about FDR is Elanor must have been so busy washing those leg blankets. You can’t meet the Czar of Russia, rolling around with stink knee."
– Sam Tallent @ The Knockout [Paraphrase]
[Photo by Jay Austin Graham aka acidsmooth ]

"The thing about FDR is Elanor must have been so busy washing those leg blankets. You can’t meet the Czar of Russia, rolling around with stink knee."

Sam Tallent @ The Knockout [Paraphrase]

[Photo by Jay Austin Graham aka acidsmooth ]

"I’m a sensible adult, I use coasters, until [I have] sex and then it’s FLUIDS EVERYWHERE!"

Matt Lieb @ The Knockout [Paraphrase]

"The hardest part about having sex to Pandora [Radio] is continuing through the commercial."

— Spencer Latham @ Stork Club/Storking Comedy [Paraphrase]


'All love must end. The best part about being cynical is if you have a crush on someone in a relationship, just wait.”

– Jessica Sele @ Stork Club/Storking Comedy [Paraphrase]

'All love must end. The best part about being cynical is if you have a crush on someone in a relationship, just wait.”

Jessica Sele @ Stork Club/Storking Comedy [Paraphrase]

"If bands are considered a ‘business’, KISS is the Bennigan’s of metal bands."

Aviva Siegel @ Stork Club/Storking Comedy [Paraphrase]

"Ride or Die" by Bryant Hicks. Recorded Live at Laughin’ At the Blue Fin. Produced by 831Vibe. 

"My cat had her litter on the side of the highway…she was fined $1000"

Dutch Savage @ Jambalaya [Paraphrased] 

"I may not be the funniest comedian tonight but Keith D doesn’t pander"

Keith D on “ra ra comedy” before getting applause @ Milk Bar/It’s Only Two Minutes [Paraphrase]

"Depression is crazy because it’s like living a mash up of Garfield and Groundhog Day, right? Because every day is the same day and they are all Mondays!"

Aly Jones @ Stork Club/Storking Comedy [Paraphrase]