"I used to be a collegiate athlete; in college I was an athlete. I used to wrestle with my sexuality."
— Juan Medina @ Stork Club/Storking Comedy [Paraphrase, Full Set: Here @ 00:00:23]
"If you give a girl a compliment, she’ll feel good for a day. If you teach a girl to fish for compliments, she’ll feel good for life."
— Kerim Harmanci @ Stork Club/Storking Comedy [Paraphrase]
"'Breaking Bad' kept people off meth, because if you sold your television you couldn't watch 'Breaking Bad', which is just as addictive as meth."
— Aviva Siegel @ Stork Club/Storking Comedy [Paraphrase]
"Yesterday, I got drunk because I accidentally swallowed mouthwash."
— Tim Young @ Amnesia [Paraphrase]
"If I ever went missing I want my picture to be on an eggnog carton."
— Kyle Mizono @ Stork Club/Storking Comedy [Paraphrase]
"It’s mighty courageous to tell jokes about your dad and your penis. It’s real courageous to talk about how you can’t hold a job, or a girlfriend, or a hammer…"
— Juan Medina, in a Southern pastor voice, hosting @ Amnesia Bar. [Paraphrase]