"You know what I like in life guys? Hookers … You can do things with a hooker your girlfriend won’t let you do… I like to get a hooker and have an opinion."

Justin Alan @ Mutiny Radio/Pamtastic’s Komedy Klubhouse [Paraphrase]

Room Review: Portal’s Tavern

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It’s an open mic. An open mic is an open mic: it’s the karaoke of musings; it’s the intellectual cover band, it’s the Tito Jackson of artistic endeavors (maybe even Marlon). Sure, Portal’s Tavern open mic, located in the gallbladder of San Francisco, is well operated, well staffed, well attended and well received, but it’s still an open mic.

Mondays are notoriously adverse to comedy, especially of the unpolished variety. Stand-up is small potatoes, and on a slow night it can potentially poison the well for sports – Go Niners! Go Giants! – and good ole fashion alcoholism. And for additional subtraction, whether by frugality or poverty, comics are notorious tightwads. Since the great Purge of 2011 (Kimo’s; 50 Mason; 800 Larkin, again), and finales of other castoffs (farewell Deco Lounge), the bow of the week has been adrift. Thankfully, Portal’s Tavern floated along and jokers clambered aboard like ill-fated lovers on a freezing door.

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Tonight: Comikaze Lounge w/ Kellen Erskine @ Cafe Royale. 8pm. Free. Featuring OJ Patterson, Lydia Popovich, Kevin O’Shea, Justin Alan, and Clara Bijl. Hosted and Produced by Stefani Silverman and Kate Willett.

Tonight: Comikaze Lounge w/ Kellen Erskine @ Cafe Royale. 8pm. Free. Featuring OJ Patterson, Lydia Popovich, Kevin O’Shea, Justin Alan, and Clara Bijl. Hosted and Produced by Stefani Silverman and Kate Willett.


I like hookers because they let you do things that your girlfriend won’t; you pay them, they have to do it. You get to do things like… have an opinion. 

- Justin Alan @ Vitus 
[Photo by Russell Limprecht]

I like hookers because they let you do things that your girlfriend won’t; you pay them, they have to do it. You get to do things like… have an opinion. 

Justin Alan @ Vitus 

[Photo by Russell Limprecht]

Justin Alan performing at Hippy Hill. 

Justin Alan performing at Hippy Hill. 

2/25. Justin Alan @ Purple Onion. 140 Columbus Ave. SF. 8PM. $20. Featuring Angela Marie, Dirty Mike, Travis Cohen, Jules Posner and Keon Polee. Hosted by Jabari Davis. Tickets Available: Here.

2/25. Justin Alan @ Purple Onion. 140 Columbus Ave. SF. 8PM. $20. Featuring Angela Marie, Dirty Mike, Travis Cohen, Jules Posner and Keon Polee. Hosted by Jabari Davis. Tickets Available: Here.

12/19 [Comedy] War on Christmas @ 50 Mason Social House. 10PM. FREE. Feat Jason Mack, Jacob Rubin, William Head, Justin Alan, Jesse McGrath, Dash Kwiatkowski and Butch Escobar. Hosted by Seamus Calder.

12/19 [Comedy] War on Christmas @ 50 Mason Social House. 10PM. FREE. Feat Jason Mack, Jacob Rubin, William Head, Justin Alan, Jesse McGrath, Dash Kwiatkowski and Butch Escobar. Hosted by Seamus Calder.


I’m going back to college. I’m looking into City College because I have no future.

- Justin Alan @ Kimo’s
[Photo by Russellreno Photography]

I’m going back to college. I’m looking into City College because I have no future.

- Justin Alan @ Kimo’s

[Photo by Russellreno Photography]

Justin Alan

Justin Alan

10.20. A Tribute to Rodney Dangerfield @ The 4th Wall. 1027 University Ave. Berkeley. $10. 8PM. Feat Greg Asdourian, Roman Leo, Justin Alan, Chris Duncan and Wilder Shaw. Hosted by Stefan Duncan.
[It’s rough.]

10.20. A Tribute to Rodney Dangerfield @ The 4th Wall. 1027 University Ave. Berkeley. $10. 8PM. Feat Greg Asdourian, Roman Leo, Justin Alan, Chris Duncan and Wilder Shaw. Hosted by Stefan Duncan.

[It’s rough.]