"Berkeley is to San Francisco, what San Francisco is to the rest of the country."

— Miles K

"Give me some jokes brain!"

— Jesse Fernandez in a memory lapse

Tuesday Comedy News (5/31/2011)

Pete Holmes CD Recording @ The Punch Line. 444 Battery St. SF. 8 PM. $15. 

News: Hukilau Lounge Comedy moved from Wednesday to Tuesday starting tonight. 5 Masonic Ave. SF. Sign Ups: 9:00 pm. Show: 9:30 pm. Hosted by Mean Dave. FREE!

Hukilau Lounge Comedy . 5 Masonic Ave. SF. Sign Ups: 9:00 pm. Show: 9:30 pm. Hosted by Mean Dave. FREE!

Rising Stars Showcase @ Our Little Theater. 287 Ellis St. SF. 8 PM. $5.  Hosted by. Andrew Roberts. (I’ll be wearing a suit to this. Class it up for all the tourist)

Harvey’s Funny Tuesday. 500 Castro St. 9 PM. One Drink Minimum. 

Wharf Room @ Castagnola’s. 286 Jefferson St. SF. 8 PM. $5.

Rockit Room Open Mic. 406 Clement St. SF. 7:30-10 PM. Free 99. (Pencils!)

SYLVAN OPEN IMPROV. 7:30 PM. Dark Room Theater. 2263 Mission St. SF. Free.99 (The kids bring the goods for free.)

Layover Comedy. 1517 Franklin. Oakland. 8:30. 21+. No Cover. Hosted by Mike Spiegelman. Featuring Emily Heller, Brendan Lynch, Karinda Dobbins, Susan Maletta, Jesse Fernandez, Conrad Roth, and Drew Harmon. (East Bay Grand Laughing Station)

Our Little Theater in: San Leandro

  • Duat: Where are you from?
  • Young Lady: San Leandro.
  • Duat: San Leandro? That's bad. [To the tourists] San Leandro is for all the people too poor to live in Oakland.
  • Older Man: That IS bad.
"Sailors are like the pioneers of comedy! They were before Lenny Bruce"

— Juan “The Comedian” Medina @ Our Little Theater

"Welcome to the Purple Onion, named after Charles Bukowski’s cock"

— Andrew Roberts @ Our Little Theater

"You make it a wreck, we’ll leave it a wreck. Nobody gets anything nice!"

— Natasha Muse dramatizing a passive aggressive Ground Zero Memorial committee member [Paraphrase]

Tuesday Comedy News: 5/24/2011

BE FUNNY open mic @ The New Parish. 579 18th St. Oakland, CA. Sign Ups @ 7 PM. Show @ 8 PM. Organized by. Bryant Hicks. Hosted by. Christopher Riggins.

News: Hukilau Lounge Comedy moved from Wednesday to Tuesday starting tonight. 5 Masonic Ave. SF. Sign Ups: 9:00 pm. Show: 9:30 pm. Hosted by Mean Dave. FREE!

Hukilau Lounge Comedy . 5 Masonic Ave. SF. Sign Ups: 9:00 pm. Show: 9:30 pm. Hosted by Mean Dave. FREE!

Rising Stars Showcase @ Our Little Theater. 287 Ellis St. SF. 8 PM. $5.  Hosted by. Andrew Roberts. (I’ll be wearing a suit to this. Class it up for all the tourist)

Harvey’s Funny Tuesday. 500 Castro St. 9 PM. One Drink Minimum. 

Wharf Room @ Castagnola’s. 286 Jefferson St. SF. 8 PM. $5. Featuring Chantel Williams, Max Curry, Dave DeLuca, James Fluty, Jeff Reitman, Miles K, Peter Kim, Tom Davenport and Victor Torres. 

Rockit Room Open Mic. 406 Clement St. SF. 7:30-10 PM. Free 99. (Pencils!)

SYLVAN OPEN IMPROV. 7:30 PM. Dark Room Theater. 2263 Mission St. SF. Free.99 (Fresh off a successful improv showcase, the kids bring the goods for free.)

Layover Comedy. 1517 Franklin. Oakland. 8:30. 21+. No Cover. Hosted by Mike Spiegelman. Featuring Casey Ley, Ben Feldman, Nicole Turley, Dave Thomason, Chris Thayer, Stroy Moyd, Kevin Camia. (East Bay Grand Laughing Station)

"This next guy is a popular local comedian. He runs a blog. It’s called Courting Comedy. He’s popular because people kiss his ass to get on the blog. Give it up for OJ Patterson."

— Roman Leo [Paraphrased]

Kaseem and Audience Lady in: The Applause Break

  • Audience Lady: I'm originally from Iowa but I moved to Dallas
  • Kaseem: What made you want to move the worst place on Earth.
  • Audience Lady: I'm only visiting
  • [Everyone in Our Little Theater erupts]