4/18. The Business: “The Maximilian Affair” @ Dark Room Theater. 2263 Mission St. SF. 8PM. $5. Featuring Frankie Quinoñes and Clara Bijl. Residents: Sean Keane, Caitlin Gill, Chris Garcia, Bucky Sinister and Chris Thayer. 

This week, The Business regulars are stuffing your enchiladas with baguettes as we welcome a bill of guests that would have Napoleon III plieing in his grave hard enough to knock off the sugar skulls. 

Clara Bijl is visiting us from The City of Angels, but was born in The City of Light. PARIS, FRANCE. She was raised in the Alps, attended schools in Germany, Switzerland, and South Carolina; then one day, she moved to The City that Never Sleeps to begin a career in stand-up comedy. Performing all around the Big Apple and the rest of the country, she became a prolific writer of cutting, witty, internationally flavored comedy.

She will truffle your butter.

Frankie Quinones is a rising star to search for and catch. He is a founding member of For The People Comedy, is a collective of artists who share a common goal of producing colorful events fueled by positivity and laughter. Always maintaining a diverse lineup to represent San Francisco culture through high energy shows filled with humor and music. Frankie has also toured with some of the industry’s top headliners including the legendary Paul Rodriguez, and has performed for our troops overseas in Japan, Europe, and the Middle East.

He is also quite dapper. Muy rico suave. 

This show is gonna feel like French kissing a churro. It’s gonna be like peeping on the Dos Equis guy with a French maid. It’s gonna make you wanna escarGO(silentT) see more live comedy!!! EIYIYI!!!! (I’m sorry)

Grab $5, your burrito and your beret and come join our fantastic guests and all the regulars! (except Alex, who we wish well in the wilds of the Northwest. If you are reading this in Tacoma, Washington- go see his shows this weekend at the Comedy Underground!)

3/14. The Business @ The Dark Room. 2263 Mission St. SF. 8PM. $5. Featuring Josh Gondelman, Emily Fleming, Kaseem Bentley, Sean Keane, Alex Koll, Chris Garcia, Chris Thayer, Caitlin Gill, and Bucky Sinister

The Business is happy to welcome the hilarious Josh Gondelman to the show this week. Josh hails from Boston, but currently lives in New York City. For such a sweet and lovable former preschool teacher, he knows a surprising amount about gangsta rap. He won first prize in the initial Laughing Skull Comedy Festival in Atlanta, and has performed at festivals such as SF Sketchfest, Laugh Your Asheville Off, and the Eugene Mirman Comedy Festival. His debut CD is called “Everything’s The Best,” and was produced by Rooftop Comedy. You can follow his consistently stellar Twitter work at twitter.com/joshgondelman.

As if that weren’t enough East Coast flavor, we’ve also got comedian Emily Fleming visiting from New York. And we’re also happy to welcome back Kaseem Bentley, local favorite and insult comic extraordinaire. The San Jose Mercury News called him a “comic to watch,” and Chris Garcia once called him “the last King of Scotland.” You’ll call him “hella funny” or possibly “Rick Ross’s half-brother.”

We’ve also got a full cast of regular Businesspeople: Chris Garcia, Caitlin Gill, Sean Keane, Alex Koll, Bucky Sinister & Chris Thayer. As always, admission is just five dollars, because we’re the best bargain in town. 

2/1. The Business @ The Dark Room. 2263 Mission St. SF. 8PM. $5. Featuring Sheng Wang, Sean Keane, Bucky Sinister, Caitlin Gill, and Chris Garcia.

Surprise! Sheng Wang is on The Business this week. Fresh off a weekend of dominant performances at Sketchfest, Sheng Wang returns to The Business this week. You may have seen him at the Punch Line, at Kevin Allison’s RISK! storytelling show, or in line at Arinell’s Pizza. Mr. Wang is a native of Houston, Texas, but came of comedy age in the Bay. His Comedy Central half-hour special premiered last year, and he’s also appeared on Live At Gotham and toured with the Comedians of Comedy. He’s a frequent guest to the Business, where he has also exhibited his photography. Is there anything this dude can’t do?

We’ve also got Chris Garcia, Caitlin Gill, Sean Keane, and Bucky Sinister rounding out the lineup. Admission is still five dollars, and you can bring in your own burrito if you like - I’m pretty sure Sheng will be bringing in his.

1/11. The Business @ The Dark Room. 2263 Mission St. SF. 8PM. $5. Featuring Sean Keane, Bucky Sinister, Clare O’Kane, Caitlin Gill, Chris Thayer, and George Chen.

The Business welcomes two first-time guests to the show, and welcomes two new Businessmen to our regular lineup. Or should we say - BusinessWOMEN. Well, a Businessman and a Businesswoman - Caitlin Gill and Chris Thayer! And our two guests are Clare O’Kane and George Chen.

Clare O’Kane is a rising comedian and actress making her way on the scene. She often performs with the infamous Sylvan Collective, and has acted at the Edinburgh Festival. She starred in the film “Bloodrape” as “Evelyn,” and IMDB credits her as a Researcher for “An Audience With Elton John,” a TV special produced when she was eight years old.

George Chen is a Bay Area bred writer and musician. His credits for talking at you include Porchlight Storytelling Series and the Living Room Salon at SF MOMA. He organized a comedy show on a bus and in a comic book store. He’s writing this while watching a Species marathon.

Chris and Caitlin have performed on The Business many times in the past, and we’re excited to have them on board from now on. Chris has performed at SF Sketchfest and the Bridgetown Comedy Festival, and produced his own show NERVES! Caitlin founded the Ladies Room comedy showcase, remains the longtime dirty haiku champion of Tourette’s Without Regrets, and has performed at poetry slams and inside boxing rings.

They’ve been guests, but come Wednesday, we’ll see how they hold up to the pressure of being a regular. Heavy is the hand that holds the microphone, though light is the finger that administers the Facebook invite. And heavy is the tummy that orders the super burrito from Cancun, available just across the street. 8 PM. Five bucks. No Chris and Alex, but we’ll have memories that will last a lifetime.

(via The Business)

[AWESOME LINE-UP! TOTALLY BIASED CAPS LOCK]

David Gborie (and Andrew Moore) by Sam Ardrey

12/7. The Business: “Miles QUE?” @ Dark Room Theater. 2263 Mission St. SF. $5. 8PM. Feat Miles K, Chris Garcia, Alex Koll and Bucky Sinister

Who’s gonna be at the Dark Room Wednesday?
Miles K!
Miles QUE?!?

Who’s a witty comic comin’ up in the Bay?
Miles K!
Miles QUE?!?

Who’s website is http://cleverthingstosay.com/
Miles K!
Miles QUE?!?

Miles K. Stenehjem, that’s que!

To quote East Bay artist Kaitlin McSweeny:

“Miles K. Stenehjem is an elegant satirist with a wit born of sensitive desperation and fearless experience, in my opinion a sort of Oscar Wilde of this time, if Oscar Wilde could lay down some pretty sweet freestyle rhymes and deliver stand-up performances that make even today’s recession-depressed audiences gasp and guffaw.”

Miles has also recently opened for Andy Kindler, has a show of his own called “Everything Jamboree” and now joins us on our humble show.

Sean is taking a well deserved victory lap around Los Angeles this week, but Chris, Bucky and the newly returned Alex will be on hand to stoke your hot comedy giggly-fire.

As always we ask but only a simple $5 cover charge, begin but only at a simple 8pm, and offer but only a simple proximity to good food and cheep drinks.

We’re all a big sack of chemicals that wants to die

- Bucky Sinister @ Dark Room Theater.

[Photo by Sam Andrey]

11/30. The Business: Sylvan Spectacular @ Dark Room Theater. 2263 Mission St. SF. 8PM. $5. Feat Sylvan Productions, OJ Patterson, Matt Gubser, Bucky Sinister and Sean Keane.

Tuesday night, Sylvan Productions has their final open improv show at the Dark Room. Wednesday, they’re the guest of honor at The Business, as we say goodbye to our Dark Roommates, and say hello to a new era of SF comedy. If that weren’t enough, we’ve also got comedians Matt Gubser and O.J. Patterson - plus regular Businessmen Sean and Bucky.

Sylvan Productions has done a wildly popular Open Improv show at the Dark Room every Tuesday, which moves to the SUB/Mission starting in December. They also produce a five-hour comedy show every Wednesday at the Dirty Trix Saloon, and this Friday, their Producers Show comes to Dirty Trix as well. Their shows may be heavily improv’ed, but they could hardly be improved.

Matt Gubser is an SF comedian with the hair of a handsomer Jesus Christ and the wit of a sassier Judas Iscariot. He performs at all the finest clubs and showcases in the Bay Area, and he’s also a potter, as if that’s fair at all. O.J. Patterson is a rising star who recently opened for Hannibal Buress. His blog, Courting Comedy (http://courtingcomedy.tumblr.com/) is a living document of the local scene and your best source for Holy City Zoo photos.

The show gets started at 8, and admission is still just five bucks. Are you going to be there? The answer is, “Yes, and…”

[I’m deeply honored to be placed on this show. Performing with the Business has been a personal dream and I’m glad to do it with my friends.]

11/9. The Business @ Dark Room Theater. 2263 Mission St. SF. $5. 8 PM. Feat Ivan Hernandez, Colleen Watson, Mike Recine and Erin Lennox, Chris Garcia, Alex Koll, Sean Keane, and Bucky Sinister. Bring Your Own Burrito!

This week The Business welcomes not one, not two, not three, but FOUR special guests, effectively doubling the base number of comics guaranteed by our standard Wednesday fare. Along with our factory installed four Businessmen, you will also receive Ivan Hernandez, Colleen Watson, Mike Recine and Erin Lennox. It’s like when Oreo took the work out of assembling two cookies and smartly debuted the now legendary Double Stuff cookie. What kind of laughs will you find in our creamy center this week? Let me pull this sweet baby apart for you…

Ivan Hernandez is self described as “nerd gent comic jerk” That’s right, no need for punctuation. When not forcing individual panels of comic books on the internet’s population for proper acknowledgment of their radness, Ivan tells jokes all over San Francisco. I think it’s his birthday this Wednesday too, so buy him a burrito and wrap it in a page from a Hellboy novella.

Colleen Watson is an idiot, according to her Twitter bio. But we know better. She is also a regular at Rooster T. Feathers, Colleen the SJ Improv, Punchline, Tacoma Comedy Underground and Utah’s Wiseguys. She’s opened for Arj Barker, has been molested by Norm MacDonald, and continues to take the Bay Area by storm with her biting and bitter comedy.

Mike Recine was nominated for Time Out New York’s ‘~Joke of the Year’in 2010 and an ECNY award for ‘~Best Emerging Comic’ . Most recently, he was selected to perform in the ‘~New Faces Showcase’ at the 2011 Just for Laughs Festival in Montreal. Mike works really hard on his jokes and on being likeable. He owns 5 pellet guns and is happy to give you one.

Erin Lennox is a nice girl and a writer / comedian based in Brooklyn, NY. She is originally from Chapel Hill, NC and has been in exactly 3 bar fights. She hosts a weekly show at the People’s Improv Theater called FRESH, which isn’t always. And a monthly variety show called I LIKE YOU TOO with her best friends the Bandana Splits.

As indicated before, your regular Businessmen Bucky, Chris, Alex and Sean will also be on hand to make sure that all the cookie crumbles correctly. And as always we are burrito and liquid fun adjacent, only five dollars and hecka funny dude forever.