Well, even if it’s hilarious, I can’t abide the thought of an inedible burrito. What a cruel joke. In general, I’m not crazy about very many things that I can’t eat (other people’s food, IKEA furniture, Republicans, etc).
I also have almost no tolerance for spicy food which really cramps my style on the hot sauce/salsa front.
With these caveats in mind, my ideal burrito:
First off, it’s from The Little Chihuahua. (I went 3 times in a week last time I was out.) One of their finest bougie burritos (or as Ivan put it in that video of us that you posted back in 2010, “Arcade Fire doing a cover of La Bamba”)— probably the fried plantain and black bean burrito, because it beats out the garlic shrimp burrito for its capacity to taste amazing with some muthafuckin’ carnitas. CARNITAS!!! (Sometimes I yell it out my window in NYC, just like that. So far, no carnitas have appeared.) And copious amounts of chips, of course.