"Do you think old people have “Gray Pride” parades?"
— Anthony Sandoval (via Twitter)
"The Maury Povich Show provides illegitimate TV credits to illegitimate children."
— Jules Posner (via Twitter)
"You do not know judgment until you walk down the street smoking a cigarette while carrying a yoga mat."
— Kristee Ono (via Twitter)
"Things that dangle gross me out unless they are completely naked and in love with me unconditionally."
— Donny Divanian (via Twitter)
"Zorro = Batman, only more old timey."
— Caitlin Gill (via Twitter)
"Being gay without gaydar is a special kind of hell."
— Karinda Dobbins (via Twitter: @karindadobbins)
"Will people please stop bashing Wall St., they’re only inhuman."
— John Hoogasian (via Twitter: @JohnHoogs)
"If you want to make a woman really insecure and pissed off at you bring up the size of her arms."
— Joe Gorman (via Twitter: @joeygorman)
"If dandruff was cocaine I’d be fucking RICH"
— Sam Weber (via Twitter: @Sam_Weber)