"I don’t know what you said, but it sounded drunk."

- Stephen Ku at an boisterous audience member @ Vitus 

"I don’t know what you said, but it sounded drunk."

- Stephen Ku at an boisterous audience member @ VitusĀ 

Comedy Theme Song: “La Cucaracha” performed by Los Platanos

[Vitus was very weird last week. Case in point: Dave Clay singing this.]


Do you guys remember “Inspector Gadget”? [Uproarious applause] Come on, nobody likes Inspector Gadget that much!

- Jesse McGrath @ Vitus

Do you guys remember “Inspector Gadget”? [Uproarious applause] Come on, nobody likes Inspector Gadget that much!

- Jesse McGrath @ Vitus

(Source: toon-anime)

"I committed social suicide; I tried to kill myself during a party. Nobody would talk to me afterward… because I was dead."

— Christopher John @ VitusĀ 


I’m trying to make money but it’s either “babysitter” or “mustache”

- Mikey McKernan @ Vitus [Paraphrase]

I’m trying to make money but it’s either “babysitter” or “mustache”

- Mikey McKernan @ Vitus [Paraphrase]


I had to stop drinking because I was tired of hearing the same thing when I went into the liquor store: “Good morning, Mike Spiegelman”

- Mike Spiegelman @ Vitus [Paraphrase]
[Photo by Shawn Robbins]

I had to stop drinking because I was tired of hearing the same thing when I went into the liquor store: “Good morning, Mike Spiegelman”

- Mike Spiegelman @ Vitus [Paraphrase]

[Photo by Shawn Robbins]

Favorite Things of Last Night: Jessica Sele


Third tip to save money: kill yourself. 9 out of 10 economists agree that dead people spend less money.

- Jesse Elias @ Vitus [Paraphrase]

Third tip to save money: kill yourself. 9 out of 10 economists agree that dead people spend less money.

- Jesse Elias @ Vitus [Paraphrase]

"Instead of asking “When will there be a female comedian”, write some jokes and go to an open mic."

— Caitlin Gill towards the audience members @ Vitus [Paraphrase]

"Parrots are the Uncle Toms of birds…They’ve internalized the language of their oppressors… and they love crackers."

— George Chen @ Vitus [Paraphrase]