"Never fuck a comic."

— Tony Sparks (about inter-comedy relationships)

"You have to make what you say match how you look. The audience already thinks it knows what you should sound like and are responding to that. It’s stupid and I hate it."

— Big Al Gonzalez (Paraphrased)

Mary Van Note divulging the intricacies a recent shitty gig.

"This is show BUSINESS. And “business” is a lot longer word than “show”."

— Tony Sparks (Brainwash 7/8/2010)

"Are you charming? Are you clever and goofy? Do you have an anecdote? Are you subtle? Can you impress the ladies with your charm? That’s how you should be with the audience."

Charlie Ballard [Paraphrase]

"A comedian says funny things. A comic says things funny."

Tony Sparks, the Godfather of Comedy.