"SparkNotes is when you wanted to read a book but skip it at the same time because you didn’t trust the movie."

Adrian McNair @ Ivy Room Open Mic [Paraphrase]

"One of my favorite artists is Van Morrison. Few people know that “Brown Eyed Girl” was about a girl with green eyes and two buttholes."

Darby Herms @ Ivy Room Open Mic [Paraphrase]

"I’m existential but I also love pizza."

— Jane Harrison @ Ivy Room [Paraphrase]


"[Before sex] I’ve always wanted to see an erect penis and say, ‘Did I do that?’"

- Aviva Siegel's Steve Urkle homage @ Ivy Room Open Mic [Paraphrase]

"[Before sex] I’ve always wanted to see an erect penis and say, ‘Did I do that?’"

- Aviva Siegel's Steve Urkle homage @ Ivy Room Open Mic [Paraphrase]

"Pluto is in the “friend zone” of planets."

George Chen @ Ivy Room Open Mic [Paraphrase]

Favorite Things of Last Night: Ivy Room (10/20/2013)

Favorite Things of Last Night: Ivy Room (10/20/2013)


"I like Oregon because I’m racist and I like white people pumping my gas."

– Chris Riggins @ Ivy Room [Paraphrase]

"I like Oregon because I’m racist and I like white people pumping my gas."

Chris Riggins @ Ivy Room [Paraphrase]

"[Republicans] voted forty two times to repeal the law. Sounds a little obsessive compulsive, which is a mental disease, which is ironically covered in Obamacare"

— Henry Hopkins @ Ivy Room Open Mic [Paraphrase]

"If somebody asks you if you want ‘extra mustard’ [on your sandwich], they want to fuck!"

Daryus Monday on sandwich delusion @ Ivy Room Open Mic [Paraphrase]


"There was a time when YouTube didn’t exist and we needed the most bland dude to introduce videos."

– Johan Miranda on explaining Carson Daly in the future @ Ivy Room Open Mic [Paraphrase]

"There was a time when YouTube didn’t exist and we needed the most bland dude to introduce videos."

– Johan Miranda on explaining Carson Daly in the future @ Ivy Room Open Mic [Paraphrase]