"There’s all these social networks: Facebook, Twitter, Vine, Pinterest. I feel like I just need my space."
— Andrew Orolfo on being overwhelmed by the Internet @ Ivy Room Open Mic [Paraphrase]
"I killed somebody in cold blood. I drowned them in it."
— Christopher John @ Ivy Room [Paraphrase]
"I don’t do open-mic comedy for the laughs. I do it for the peace and quiet."
— Mean Dave @ Ivy Room [Paraphrase]
"I love you OJ, but you’re a false positive."
— Chris Barylick on “the OJ laugh” @ Kingman’s Ivy Room [Paraphrase]
"I used to think I was all for abortion, but then I realized I just hate meeting new people."
— Christopher John @ Kingman’s Ivy Room [Paraphrase]
"Speaking of magic, Abracadabra, here’s a transition."
— Jules “The Magic Man” Posner