"My cat had her litter on the side of the highway…she was fined $1000"
— Dutch Savage @ Jambalaya [Paraphrased]
"I majored in mathematics because I wanted my useless degree to be hard. I liked majoring in math because I’m always right. Not because I think I’m right. I was objectively right!"
— Erik Krasner @ Critical Hit (Comedy)/It’s Your Move [Paraphrase]
"Here’s an a-to-b joke: Life is like a box of chocolates: a thoughtless gift that the recipient has to pretend to appreciate."
— Sara Reihani @ Critical Hit (Comedy)/It’s Your Move [Paraphrase]