Molly Sokham and Audience in... Hollertosis

  • Molly Sokham: I was at the 99-cent store and some guy tried to holler at me.
  • Audience Member: Holler or Holla?
  • Molly Sokham: Yeah, he tried to holler, he tried to talk to me.
  • Audience Member: But did he holla, or did he holler?
  • Molly Sokham: ... FUCK YOU!

I love forced sympathy.

- Amy Miller after announcing a recent break-up @ iL Pirata
[Photo by OJ Patterson]

I love forced sympathy.

- Amy Miller after announcing a recent break-up @ iL Pirata

[Photo by OJ Patterson]

Andre Parker and Audience in... Shit Work

  • Andre Parker: How's everybody doing?
  • OJ's Dad: We're full of shit!

At this point in my career, flying mayonnaise-covered hot dogs is the only way I know, “I love you”.

- Alex Koll @ Tourettes Without Regrets/Oakland Metro [Paraphrased]

At this point in my career, flying mayonnaise-covered hot dogs is the only way I know, “I love you”.

- Alex Koll @ Tourettes Without Regrets/Oakland Metro [Paraphrased]


"I don’t know what you said, but it sounded drunk."

- Stephen Ku at an boisterous audience member @ Vitus 

"I don’t know what you said, but it sounded drunk."

- Stephen Ku at an boisterous audience member @ Vitus 


Do you guys remember “Inspector Gadget”? [Uproarious applause] Come on, nobody likes Inspector Gadget that much!

- Jesse McGrath @ Vitus

Do you guys remember “Inspector Gadget”? [Uproarious applause] Come on, nobody likes Inspector Gadget that much!

- Jesse McGrath @ Vitus

(Source: toon-anime)

"STOP MOLESTING AFROS!"

— Jesse Elias @ Layover Comedy¬†

Amy Miller and Audience in... Non-Smoker's Lungs.

  • Amy Miller: I can't smoke weed.
  • Audience Member: Why?!
  • Amy Miller: [Pause] ...because of you.
"Instead of asking “When will there be a female comedian”, write some jokes and go to an open mic."

— Caitlin Gill towards the audience members @ Vitus [Paraphrase]

Leslie Small and Audience in... Stuff White People Like

  • Leslie Small: How was everybody's Memorial Day Weekending
  • Audience Member: Great!
  • Leslie Small: Great! I went camping.
  • Audience Member: What?
  • Leslie Small: Yeah, it's a white people thing. We like to go out and pretend that we're homeless... 'as long as we get to go home!'