- Andre Parker: How's everybody doing?
- OJ's Dad: We're full of shit!
— Jesse Elias @ Layover Comedy
- Amy Miller: I can't smoke weed.
- Audience Member: Why?!
- Amy Miller: [Pause] ...because of you.
— Caitlin Gill towards the audience members @ Vitus [Paraphrase]
- Leslie Small: How was everybody's Memorial Day Weekending
- Audience Member: Great!
- Leslie Small: Great! I went camping.
- Audience Member: What?
- Leslie Small: Yeah, it's a white people thing. We like to go out and pretend that we're homeless... 'as long as we get to go home!'
- Johan Miranda (to the male counterpart of a couple): You're gonna get laid tonight. And I hope you think of me.
- Audience Member: I hope I don't!
- Johan Miranda: Let me just smell your fingers then.