- Johan Miranda (to the male counterpart of a couple): You're gonna get laid tonight. And I hope you think of me.
- Audience Member: I hope I don't!
- Johan Miranda: Let me just smell your fingers then.
— Melanie O’Brien’s prophecy towards a couple in the audience @ Vitus
— Rajeev Dhar @ Amnesia
— Chase Bernstein @ Dirty Trix
- Sammy Obeid: Please, someone say something that they learned tonight.
- Audience Member: Don't be a comedian.
- [APPLAUSE BREAK]
- Joe Gorman: Did it get dark or did it just get real?
- Audience Member: Both!
- Joe Gorman: Yes, it's always darkest before the punchline.
— Travis Curry at a big-time, big-body heckler @ Tommy T’s Showroom