- Luke Lockfeld: You guys are pretty cool.
- Audience Member: Tell another joke!
- Luke Lockfeld: You're the only not-cool one.
- Keith D'Souza: It's cold right now. I so cold that you would go into a basement and watch comedians play video games... (to audience) Are you guys huge video game fanatics?
- Audience Member: No, we came to the wrong show.
- Keith D'Souza: Well, it's too late now! The doors are locked!
— Rich Dreyling after being called “rude” by a heckler @ Kip’s Bar [Paraphrase]
- Matt Lieb: I may not be the funniest comic but I will be the tallest comic...
- Audience Member: I don't know! That black guy [OJ Patterson] was pretty big!
- Myles Weber: You guys are on your first date? Is it going well?
- Audience Member (Woman): Well, he paid, so yeah.
— Al, the audience member, towards Chris Schiappacasse @ Portal’s Tavern
— Clara Bijl on a cold crowd @ Comikaze Lounge/Cafe Royale
- Sam Davidoff: This last guy, I wish he could be my father. Everybody give it up for Brendan Lynch!
- [Brendan Lynch enters stage right as Sam exits]
- Brendan Lynch: I would be your father if your mom wasn't a pig.
- Kaseem Bentley: I'm afraid of old Chinese people...
- Audience Member (interrupting): You should be!
- [Uproarious laughter]