Luke Lockfeld & Audience in: Cool

  • Luke Lockfeld: You guys are pretty cool.
  • Audience Member: Tell another joke!
  • Luke Lockfeld: You're the only not-cool one.

Keith D and Audience in... Too Late Now

  • Keith D'Souza: It's cold right now. I so cold that you would go into a basement and watch comedians play video games... (to audience) Are you guys huge video game fanatics?
  • Audience Member: No, we came to the wrong show.
  • Keith D'Souza: Well, it's too late now! The doors are locked!
"Rude? I’m forcing strangers to listen to what I think is funny. Do you know what level of narcissism that is? Rude is an understatement!"

Rich Dreyling after being called “rude” by a heckler @ Kip’s Bar [Paraphrase]

Matt Lieb and Audience in... Pretty Big

  • Matt Lieb: I may not be the funniest comic but I will be the tallest comic...
  • Audience Member: I don't know! That black guy [OJ Patterson] was pretty big!

Myles Weber and Audience in... First Dates

  • Myles Weber: You guys are on your first date? Is it going well?
  • Audience Member (Woman): Well, he paid, so yeah.
"If I had to dress like you, I’d kill myself."

— Al, the audience member, towards Chris Schiappacasse @ Portal’s Tavern

"I’m a french comedian, I don’t go for the laugh."

— Clara Bijl on a cold crowd @ Comikaze Lounge/Cafe Royale

Sam Davidoff and Brendan Lynch in... Patronizing Filicide

  • Sam Davidoff: This last guy, I wish he could be my father. Everybody give it up for Brendan Lynch!
  • [Brendan Lynch enters stage right as Sam exits]
  • Brendan Lynch: I would be your father if your mom wasn't a pig.
  • [Paraphrase]

"Who here rides the bus? [Sizable reaction] We’re ‘giving it up’ for the bus? Good job, San Francisco."

- Kimberly Rose Wendt on a public trans applause break @ Sport’s Basement/Good Times in the Grotto [Paraphrase]
[Photo by Jason Henry]

"Who here rides the bus? [Sizable reaction] We’re ‘giving it up’ for the bus? Good job, San Francisco."

- Kimberly Rose Wendt on a public trans applause break @ Sport’s Basement/Good Times in the Grotto [Paraphrase]

[Photo by Jason Henry]

Kaseem Bentley and Audience in... Legitimate Fear.

  • Kaseem Bentley: I'm afraid of old Chinese people...
  • Audience Member (interrupting): You should be!
  • [Uproarious laughter]