"Someone accused me of being a serial dater. Which is true, because I’ve dated all the flakes, all the fruit loops, and contrary to popular belief, if you eat cocoa puffs, you can go back."
— Cheryl White @ Dorsey’s Locker/Blue Candle Open Mic [Paraphrase]
"I don’t like saying grace with my family… I want to say grace as I’m pooping the food out… I know I’m nourished already. I don’t know before I eat it if it will be good for me. I also like holding my family [members’] hands while I take a shit."
— Jane Harrison @ Stork Club/Storking Comedy [Paraphrase. Full Set Available: Here @ 20:36]
"I have a daughter, she’s six months old, [and] I think she might be a lesbian. She’s got really short hair, she’s really into tits and I’m 100% sure she’s never fucked a guy."
— Vlade Guiducci @ Stork Club/Storking Comedy [Paraphrase, Full Set Available: Here @ 13:24]
"The cool thing about being black and growing up in the suburbs is you get whooped — like other black kids do — but you also get therapy."
— Richard Toomer @ Stork Club/Storking Comedy [Paraphrase, Full Set: Here @ 19:30]
"I like going to stand-up open mics, because even if somebody fails its still kinda funny."
— Tom Guffy @ Stork Club/Storking Comedy [Paraphrase]
"I don’t do open-mic comedy for the laughs. I do it for the peace and quiet."
— Mean Dave @ Ivy Room [Paraphrase]
"You know what they say: once you go black, you can never go back, to that club that you met him…because all his friends just think it’s their turn next. And if you don’t like that joke, then please don’t ever listen to the song “It’s Ain’t No Fun (If The Homies Can’t Have None)” by Snoop Dogg, because that song is just that joke, but for serious."
— Ron Chapman @ Stork Club/Storking Comedy (Full Set: Here @ 0:20) [Paraphrase]