"I think ‘Flamin’ Hot Cheetos’ are just gay Cheetos."
— Andrew Orolfo @ Ivy Room Open Mic [Paraphrase]
"Pluto is in the “friend zone” of planets."
— George Chen @ Ivy Room Open Mic [Paraphrase]
"The best way to protest your parents at 27 is to sleep in a car in front of their house."
— Brittany Stone @ Stork Club/Storking Comedy [Paraphrase]
"Goodwill is the only place where you can fart and blame the merchandise"
Sheng Wang (via courtingcomedy)
[Daily Random: 10/25/2013. Originally posted 7/13/2011]
"[Republicans] voted forty two times to repeal the law. Sounds a little obsessive compulsive, which is a mental disease, which is ironically covered in Obamacare"
— Henry Hopkins @ Ivy Room Open Mic [Paraphrase]
"@KarenKilgariff: Glasses, mustache, earrings, hat—Mr. Potato Head was the original hipster"
— (via bestintwitter)