"Without beautiful transgendered women I wouldn’t have beautiful shoes. Without gay men I would have a date to prom."
— Caitlin Gill on being tall @ San Francisco Punch Line [Paraphrase]
"Getting out a long-term relationship is the closest thing a human can get to coming out of the Disney Vault."
— Kevin O’Shea @ The Knockout Open Mic [Paraprhase]
"If you have to DARE your kids to not do drugs, maybe you’re not adequately prepared to be a parent."
— Raum Dee @ Amnesia Open Mic [Paraphrase]
"SparkNotes is when you wanted to read a book but skip it at the same time because you didn’t trust the movie."
— Adrian McNair @ Ivy Room Open Mic [Paraphrase]
"I once saw a magician pull a classified section out of his hat… followed by a red pen."
— Ray Molina riffing against unemployed magicians @ San Francisco Punch Line [Paraphrase]