seankeane:

Caitlin and I love sports!

seankeane:

Caitlin and I love sports!

"Do you think if they put Jesus on the penny it would be called a JCPenny?"

Adam Newman @ SF Sketchfest/Lost Weekend Video [Paraphrase]

"… I don’t hate my dad. I just drink like I do."

Jules Posner @ Eureka Theater/SF Sketchfest [Paraphrase]

"It’s funny that the only thing people in San Francisco talk about are the 49ers and gentrification because 1849 was the year San Francisco became gentrified."

Dro @ Stork Club/Storking Comedy [Paraphrase]

"You ever take a shit so big, you convince yourself you could survive prison?"

Tim Young @ Dorsey’s Locker [Paraphrase] 


"Greyhound is for pregnant teens [audience groans] and ex convicts. Oh is there a lot of pregnant teens in the audience? Well, I did get cheers for [mentioning] Fresno.”

– Julian Vance @ San Francisco Punch Line [Paraphrase]

"Greyhound is for pregnant teens [audience groans] and ex convicts. Oh is there a lot of pregnant teens in the audience? Well, I did get cheers for [mentioning] Fresno.”

Julian Vance @ San Francisco Punch Line [Paraphrase]

(Source: julianvance)

"Without beautiful transgendered women I wouldn’t have beautiful shoes. Without gay men I would have a date to prom."

Caitlin Gill on being tall @ San Francisco Punch Line [Paraphrase]

"I used to love the song "No Scrubs" by TLC, until I grew up and met all of the qualifications…Yeah, I live with my parents, but I’m saving this money for us."

Johan Miranda @ The Knockout Open Mic [Paraphrased]

"Getting out a long-term relationship is the closest thing a human can get to coming out of the Disney Vault."

Kevin O’Shea @ The Knockout Open Mic [Paraprhase]

"A lot of people want America to be a theocracy but I for one don’t believe Malcolm Jamal Warner is fit to rule."

– Erik Charles Nielson @ cyniccave/Lost Weekend Video [Paraphrase]