"I’m in my late-20s, so it’s about time to find the guy my kids will be spending weekends with."
— Kate Willett @ Kip’s Bar/Totally Party [Paraphrase]
![“Next time I greet a white guy that I don’t know, I’m going to to bow and see what happens.”
- Stephen Ku @ Kip’s Bar/Totally Party [Paraphrase]](http://25.media.tumblr.com/1079ffdd6157fbd5de9dcf0f81bb461d/tumblr_mjmmx5KGtT1qcxc43o1_500.jpg)
“Next time I greet a white guy that I don’t know, I’m going to to bow and see what happens.”
- Stephen Ku @ Kip’s Bar/Totally Party [Paraphrase]
"I’m thinking about getting rid of my glasses and getting contacts but I’m afraid of what I’ll lose: blurry sex."
— Emily Van Dyke @ Milk Bar/The Eric Show [Paraphrase]
Comedy Theme Song: Ignition (Remix) by R. Kelly
[“‘It’s the freakin weekend baby/I’m about to have me some fun.’ When did R. Kelly start worrying about the five-day work week? “- Nick Palm]
"I told my husband, ‘Well, if I get pregnant, that’s nine months where I can throw-up after every meal and not get sent back to therapy… There’s a side of the audience that doesn’t agree with eating disorder material, so let’s purge that from our memories."
— Kelly Anneken @ Cafe Royale/Monday Happy Hour Comedy [Paraphrase]
“…Now I look like George Lucas had a baby with Snow.”
- Ryan Cronin @ Cafe Royale/Monday Happy Hour Comedy [Paraphrase]
[Photo of Ryan Cronin by Red Scott]
![In honor of black history month, my brother has renamed our dog: “Fredrick Doglass”… the world’s most famous “labolitionist”
- Jesse McGrath @ Under the Sun Studios/Backhand Comedy [Paraphrase]
[Photo by Imran G]](http://24.media.tumblr.com/0149a1cb2b63dff9ef6acbd37ae35fd7/tumblr_mjf3fsCdI21qcxc43o1_500.jpg)
"I hate girls who complain how much they hate girls."
— Ali Brown @ Under The Sun Studios [Paraphrase]
"I recently got my medical marijuana card. Anyone else here cool as fuck?!"
— Jules Posner @ San Francisco Punch Line [Paraphrase]
“Andy Griffin shot a man n Reno, just to see Johnny Cash take credit for it.”
- Ken Townsend @ The Flying Pig [Paraphrase]
(Source: Spotify)
