"Thanks for interrupting my joke to announce you have a birthday"
— Melanie O’Brien at a whooping audience member @ San Francisco Punch Line [Paraphrase]
"It’s Monday. I’ve had a hard week so far."
— Melanie O’Brien @ Club Deluxe [Paraphrase]
"I love tomatoes! It doesn’t have to be funny if its genuine!"
— Melanie O’Brien @ Deco Lounge [Paraphrase]
"I went to Good Vibes and got a $65 replacement for you. All you can do is wash a car."
— Melanie O’Brien explaining to a male audience member why a pleasure device is better than him [Paraphrase]
"I took a shower so I’m better than you. I’m one step above a dog and one step below a deli employee"
— Melanie O’Brien talking to a dog at Ladies Night @ The Brainwash