"You know how women say, ‘All men want is sex?’. Naw. I want a job… I’d rather have a job with benefits than a friend with benefits."
— Matt Lieb @ The Night Light/Move Along, Nothing to See Here [Paraphrase]
"I’m so poor that I don’t know when’s the last time I bought clothes in a place that only sells clothes. Anyplace I shop for clothes I can get two t-shirts, a box of condoms, and a can of propane."
— David Gborie @ The Night Light/Move Along, Nothing to See Here [Paraphrase]
"Let’s talk about “going Dutch”. I once heard a woman say she wouldn’t let a man pay for her because she’s a feminist. Lady, he’s still going to think you’re inferior whether you pay or not."
— Alyssa Westerlund @ Stork Club/Storking Comedy [Paraphrase]
"I’m trying to figure out what part of Oakland you’re from because you’re very quiet… I want to move there."
— Karinda Dobbins addressing the lethargic crowd @ The Night Light [Paraphrase]