"Rude? I’m forcing strangers to listen to what I think is funny. Do you know what level of narcissism that is? Rude is an understatement!"
— Rich Dreyling after being called “rude” by a heckler @ Kip’s Bar [Paraphrase]
"I’m not saying that Jeff Ross is gay, I’m reiterating."
— Bob Saget roasting Jeff Ross @ The Barbary/Outside Lands Festival [Paraphrase]
"I’m from Santa Cruz… I guess I surfed here on a blunt. Fuck Santa Cruz!"
— Tyler Hinz contention on being introduced from Santa Cruz @ San Francisco Punch Line [Paraphrase]
"I love you OJ, but you’re a false positive."
— Chris Barylick on “the OJ laugh” @ Kingman’s Ivy Room [Paraphrase]
"Keep it pronoun neutral, that’s how you do crowd work in San Francisco."
— Brendan Lynch @ San Francisco Punch Line [Paraphrase]
"Once you “jizz on my face” the laughter is spent."
— Barry Sobel's sage “witty before dirty” comedy advice @ San Francisco Punch Line.
"I can’t have babies, don’t let my accent fool you. In my culture, this [motions to vagina] shuts down when you get a degree."
— Eloisa Bravo @ San Francisco Punch Line [Paraphrase]