"This is the most Oakland show I’ve ever seen."
— Juan Medina after a shouting match happens in front of the stage @ Oakland Outdoor Comedy Show
"It’s mighty courageous to tell jokes about your dad and your penis. It’s real courageous to talk about how you can’t hold a job, or a girlfriend, or a hammer…"
— Juan Medina, in a Southern pastor voice, hosting @ Amnesia Bar. [Paraphrase]
"It’s true that me and OJ go back a long way; our moms used to do prenatal karate. Those pregnant women saved that village from the evil shogun."
— Jesse Hett @ Stork Club/Storking Comedy [Paraphrase. Full Set Available: Here @ 52:25]
"Rude? I’m forcing strangers to listen to what I think is funny. Do you know what level of narcissism that is? Rude is an understatement!"
— Rich Dreyling after being called “rude” by a heckler @ Kip’s Bar [Paraphrase]
"I’m not saying that Jeff Ross is gay, I’m reiterating."
— Bob Saget roasting Jeff Ross @ The Barbary/Outside Lands Festival [Paraphrase]
"I’m from Santa Cruz… I guess I surfed here on a blunt. Fuck Santa Cruz!"
— Tyler Hinz contention on being introduced from Santa Cruz @ San Francisco Punch Line [Paraphrase]