“I feel like I should get a standing ovation for using the bathroom here… I’m sure it’s so that people don’t do drugs or have sex but that’s all i want to do after leaving [it].”

- Morgan Murphy @ Esta Noche [Paraphrase]

[Photo by Morgan Murphy]

I’m drnking beer at a weed show because I’m a trill ass nigga… Don’t feel weird, that wasn’t the first time “n-word” has been said in a Polish Club.

- David Gborie @ Polish Club/420 Show/SFCBF [Paraphrase]

[Photo by Vincent Tamer]

Anybody here watch Homeland? One person? Nobody else can afford premium channels? I love a nice, poor audience! 

- J.C. Coccoli @ Sub/Mission [Paraphrase]

[Photo by Andrew Moore]

10/26. Fresh Like Cadaver [Horror + Comedy] @ Lost Weekend Video. 1034 Valencia St. SF. 8PM. $10. Featuring Andre Parker, Andrew Moore, Spencer Devine, David Gborie and OJ Patterson. More Information: Here. 

When did San Francisco become “The Walking Dead: The Ride”? Like, what year?

- Rory Scovel @ San Francisco Punch Line [Paraphrase]

(Source: yourenotyourskin)

Man, this mic is wireless. I could run away and tell jokes. Would I be the headliner then?!

- Ben Kolina @ Kimball’s [Paraphrase]

“It’s weird getting heckled in a park. It feels like elementary school. 

- Mike Drucker @ Comedy Day [Paraphrase]

[Photo by Brian King]