— Andrew Holmgren @ Western Christian Bookstore [Paraphrase]
— Clara Bijl on a cold crowd @ Comikaze Lounge/Cafe Royale
- Sam Davidoff: This last guy, I wish he could be my father. Everybody give it up for Brendan Lynch!
- [Brendan Lynch enters stage right as Sam exits]
- Brendan Lynch: I would be your father if your mom wasn't a pig.
— Josef Anolin’s opening line to a despondent crowd @ The Friend Zone/Dirty Trix Saloon