"How to Stop Swearing" by Priya Prasad. via rooftopcomedy

[One of the most technically sound bits I know. Love it!]

"Forget wishing for a heart, if I were the Tin Man I would go to Chipotle and watch pretty girls eat foil-wrapped burritos."

Brendan Lynch @ San Francisco Punch Line [Paraphrase]

"San Francisco, with its classic, snowless blizzards. It’s a goddamn polar vortex…(imitates a tough guy voice) I fuck on my porch in weather like this…that’s the only way I can come.”

Rory Scovel riffing on the weather @ San Francisco Punch Line [Paraphrase]

[It’s so hard to capture this man’s magic. I highly recommend you see him live. Hardest I’ve laughed all year.]

"I’m a woman in her 30s. I don’t have kids, I don’t have a husband; it’s on purpose. It’s all apart of my master plan: I care about my future and I don’t give shit about my legacy."

— Lydia Popovich @ 24HourCynicCave / Lost Weekend Video

portlandstandupphotoalbum:

Lisa Quiriconi. Control Yourself Open Mic. Alberta Street Pub. 06/01/14. Photo by Jason Traeger.

portlandstandupphotoalbum:

Lisa Quiriconi. Control Yourself Open Mic. Alberta Street Pub. 06/01/14. Photo by Jason Traeger.

(Source: keepforchange)

Favorite Things of Last Night: Packed Ass Line-Up (via mollysanchezz)

Favorite Things of Last Night: Packed Ass Line-Up (via mollysanchezz)

"I’m kind of nostalgic for when I used to think thoughts and not say them into microphones."

Walker Glenn @ Penelope Bar [Paraphrase]

Courting Sketchfest: “Guys Like Mystery” by Barbara Gray. Recorded at Stage Works in SF. 

Kris Tinkle by Leo Hochberg