"I have a 100 dollars for sale. I’m asking 90 bucks for it or best offer. It’s in good condition, have all the paperwork. Call before 5."
— John Hoogasian (via Twitter: @JohnHoog)
"The only things standing in my way is my immense self-loathing and this fucking economy."
— Joe Gorman (via Twitter: @joeygorman )
"Fondue - nachos for rich people."
— Sam Weber (via Twitter: @Sam_Weber)
"@AndrewWK Even though it’s kind of your specialty, I’m pretty sure I could beat you at Mario Party."
— Jacob Rubin (via Twitter: @jacobsrubin)
"Wall Street has reached a level of greed and corruption not seen since Chrysler’s near monopoly of the minivan market in the 1990s."
— Trevor Hill (via Twitter)
"I just rollerbladed 20 miles. The other people on the treadmills were looking at me pretty weird though. Fucking gym snobs."
— Chase Perdue (via Twitter)
"Do you think old people have “Gray Pride” parades?"
— Anthony Sandoval (via Twitter)
"The Maury Povich Show provides illegitimate TV credits to illegitimate children."
— Jules Posner (via Twitter)